I'm Thirty, I'm Acting, and I'm so Fucking Happy

The title is as much as I am able to communicate at this moment.  Every artist has their blocks and I have finally, after 30 years, acknowledged and started to fight these demons.  Much more to write but for now...just grateful.

xoxo

#Whoisdorothy? Not me, but that's ok

Heather Maitland (right) and I: "Who is Dorothy?" in rehearsal
for "Queen Marie" the day before the open call.

The few weeks before my open call for Dorothy, I had received calls and emails from all over the place making sure I knew about the audition, and encouraging me to attend.  I even got a call from the assistant at my Dentists office! Amazing. When I learned that the first round was taking place on a Monday, which is currently my only day off of rehearsals for Queen Marie, I knew I had to do it.  I though to myself, "hey, it can't be worse than a cattle call for a Broadway show, right?"

The lineup at Front and John Street at 7am!

Lucky for me, Heather Maitland, the phenomenal actor playing Nella in Queen Marie, also wanted to attend the audition.  We helped each other prepare, and made a pact to stick together.

At 7am when we arrived in line, it was already twisting around the block. Dorothy hopefuls of all shapes and sizes waited nervously for their chance to perform.  When the registration began at 9am, everything seemed to happen in a flash.  Before I knew it I was standing in a tiny room singing my heart out to a very friendly lady. She asked me to wait in the hall afterwards and I tried to steady my breathing/heart-rate!  After a few tedious minutes I was told that was all they needed from me today. Sigh.  


I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.  I was so excited to audition for Stephanie Gorin and didn't make it to the round where I could do so.  I looked at the lineup of girls who had made it past the first audition, anxiously awaiting their turn to earn a Golden Ticket.  These girls were adorable, all dressed in their own twist of a perfect Dorothy outfit.  They were beaming.  And they were all very young...ie up to ten years younger than me!  I left the audition hall and met back up with Heather who unfortunately had the same fate as I did.  


As we walked out of Glen Gold studios and saw hundreds of potential Dorothy's waiting in line, I had a bit of an epiphany. There was something different about this open call.  It wasn't just that the people working at the audition were friendlier and more helpful than I have ever experienced in such a high stress scenario as this, and it wasn't just that I had the benefit of being with a buddy who helped me keep my head on straight.  The difference was this: the rejection was a brief little blow, and then I was fine.  I no longer have doubts about my career choice.  I no longer question whether not getting cast in a specific part is because I'm not meant to be an actor.  I've gotten over the hump of being intimidated by how "hard" the industry is and how "difficult" the rejection is.  I now know, that there is always an opportunity around the corner.  Don't get me wrong, any actor will tell you that the rejection isn't easy.  But you've got to have enough courage to move past it and trust in your own passion and talent.  Feel the pinch, acknowledge the disappointment, and then move on.  


Who knows why I didn't make it to the second round of casting. It could have been my age, my voice, or just my interpretation of the song.  I'm not Dorothy, but I am "Clare Dubrey" in Queen Marie.  Who knows what I will get to play next?  


In the words of the amazing Richard Pinter of The Neighborhood Playhouse, "If you undervalue yourself, you will be undervalued".  Well said Pinter, well said.  Thanks CBC for the opportunity, and to the ladies with the Golden Tickets, break a leg!


xoxo Allie

Looking Forward / Looking Back...

The past couple of weeks have been a little slow for auditions.  It's times like these where I have to try extra hard to keep my head on straight and power through.  By some bloody miracle, I had a HUGE cleaning binge this week and I gotta say, it's helped to keep things in perspective!  What is it about having a lot on the brain plus laundry all over the place that can cause a minor meltdown?!

I also decided to personalize our little office space.  I got some cheapo frames from Ikea and a little bulletin board and put together an inspiration board and a tribute to some of the acting work my boyfriend and I have done.  

Looking Forward:

Inspiration boards get a bad rap.  All you need are some pictures that make you happy and motivated and remind you why you're doing what you're doing.  I have a fantastic picture of Diane Keaton and Richard Pinter on mine and just the look on Pinter's face reminds me of a very important lesson he once taught me in class at The Neighborhood Playhouse School of the Theatre:  "Who will take over for the other great actors?  Why not you?".  

Put a little board together and make it filled with things that make you excited about the future. Somewhere to stick quotes that you find remarkable and energizing, somewhere to put pictures of friends and family who believe in you.  These little things can make a big difference on an "off" day!

Looking Back:

When you don't book a big part, or things are a little slow in the industry, I find it really helpful to remind myself of where I've come from.  The "whore" (read blog entry if confused) can tell you that nothing is going on in your career at the moment but that's not true.  Everything you have ever worked on is behind you, backing you up on your journey.

I really think this applies to all kinds of work.  Sometimes if you find yourself in a field that you don't want to be working in, or studying the wrong subjects in school you may think it's been a waste of time, but every experience gets you to where you need to be!

This wall is small for now, with just a few of our favorite projects displayed, but it's nice to have a visual reminder of how much can happen in a short period of time.  THe top row of pictures are from films that we have shot since moving back to Toronto, all of which are being submitted to some very major festivals around the world.  So, "whore", you can put a cork in it because even if I don't have any auditions laid out at the moment, I've got some great work behind me which is keeping the ball rolling.  Ha!

If you're feeling like you're in a rut, but want to do a little fun work, make yourself a board, or a wall to keep you positive.  Positive thinking can change everything!

Half Marathon Update...

Not too much to report but today is my longest run yet (4 miles) and it's a blizzard outside..oooookie dokie.  To the treadmill!  Wish me Luck!

xoxo Allie

The "Whore" and How to Conquer Her

The "whore" is what my incredible acting teacher and mentor Richard Pinter uses to describe our brains when they turn against us.  When for some unexplainable reason the buzz of an accomplishment can slowly morph into worry and stress and we start to see the potential problems that this opportunity has seemingly "created".  This "whore" also loves to come around right before an audition (sometimes not until you're in the waiting room) and then sneaks up and crushes your confidence - thus blowing any possibility of booking it.

Recently I had a run in with my own little whore.  It was shortly after I was cast in Queen Marie and I started to worry about what I was going to do before that, and after.  What I'm trying to do now, and trying to make a habit of it, is shifting that energy into positive actions for my career rather than useless worrying.  Instead of stressing about the imaginary gigs before and after, I will edit my resume, update my website, read plays, etc.  Anything that is positive for my career and helps me feel like things are moving forward, because they are!

It really all comes down to fear, and that's what I need to keep reminding myself.  Confidence is the arch enemy of fear, and as May West once said when asked how you "get" confidence, "I dunno, you just GET it!".  True dat May West.

I caught the tail end of "Master Class" on tv last night featuring Morgan Freeman.  His words stories were incredibly inspiring and useful for any career.  He shared a few tips for success that really stuck with me:

• Make the Best of it 

That means every situation.  See how your current situation will help you in the long term, and if not, at least in the short term.  Even if it seems completely unrelated to what you really want to do - make the best of it.

• Follow Your Own Muse...Always

Don't just be different for the sake of being different - do it because it makes sense to you.

• Follow Your Principles

And you will have no regrets

• Be Irreplaceable

Because you know you are

• You Have to Listen!

This is the biggest lesson I had to learn in acting and in life!

Adios ya Whore!  Gracias Morgan Freeman.

Teaser poster for Memories is here courtesy of Joseph Procopio!  Next week is a private screening of Footsteps for the cast and crew to see the final cut.

Still on track for 26 Days of Fitness.  Wish me Luck!

xoxo Allie

Here's a little Stars...always think of this video on snowy days!

I Got the Part!

Just got a phone call from my agency and I booked the part of "Claire" in "Queen Marie" the musical!  It's a 9 month contract (my longest one yet!) and I will be rehearsing/performing this summer at the 4th Line Theatre in Millbrook.  Something really is in the air :)

With my adrenaline a pumping and happy thoughts abound, I went to a Moksha Yoga class and on my way home made the decision to do a fitness challenge.  Will I regret this decision? Probably at some point, but not in the long run.  It started today with Monday Moksha and I will continue to exercise every day until Sarah's Wedding on Feb 11th.  That's 26 days of fitness.  No excuses!  I'm going to do my best to try some new classes too and change things up a bit so I don't get bored.  Might even bust out my cross country skis!

I think I will spend the rest of my day off listening to dance music and cleaning the apt, including the dreaded office!  Then I think I'll treat myself to a much needed haircut tomorrow and try to keep myself away from the GIANT leftover cake from the Bridal Shower this weekend.

Take care, and if you need a pick me up - watch this video.  It gets me every time!

xo Allie

A Short Film, and a Killer Bachelorette Party...Loving 2012 Already!

I spent most of last weekend in Woodbridge, just outside of Toronto, shooting Joseph Procopio's "Memories" (working title).  Procopio, the 17 (!) year old writer/director was named one of Canada's Top Ten Under 25 (2011) by Maclean's magazine.  Working on the film was an absolute treat.  Not only was Joseph fantastic all around and the crew amazing, but I was co-starring alongside my boyfriend! Unreal.

After the shoot I headed to NYC for a last minute day job trip .  Although going back to NYC was amazing - it really boosted my confidence in the decision to move back to Toronto.  I'm definitely enjoying the smaller pond right now.

Yesterday was my sister Sarah's Bachelorette party and it was epic.  We started at Terroni on Yonge Street (which recently opened its upstairs) which was excellent, and then headed to Le Petite Castor across the street and danced our brains out!  You know it's a good night when you pee your pants...literally.

Moving right along...

In between the bridal shower and bachelorette I had to boot it to the Distillery district to audition for 4th Line Theatre's production of "Queen Marie" the Musical.  I think it went fairly well - running around beforehand definitely helped in a weird way to settle my nerves.  Sometimes when you're not busy - it gives you too much time to amp yourself up about the audition which can interfere with your performance.

I've been a little bit off track with fitness (under statement) but I'm feeling happy as a little clam and ready to get back on track, starting with a Moksha Yoga class tomorrow morning (detox!), and a new workout schedule.  Something good is in the air and I'm loving it.  I'm so excited for this year.  

This song KILLS ME!  Give it a couple of listens and I guarantee you'll be hooked.  I'm literally listening to it on repeat right now.  Also - there's an amazing cover of it that's flying around Facebook right now, but this original version is incredible.

More soon!

xo Allie

An Impromptu Commercial Shoot (Sounds Fancier than it is) & Some Great News...

I recently shot an Independent Feature called FOOTSTEPS which I will write an entire blog about very soon.  The director, Noam Kroll is an amazing man who is not only a creative genius but wonderful to work with.  He called me late on Sunday night because he had an actor back out on him for a commercial shoot the next day.  I really needed to get some fairly basic aspects of my life under control (ie laundry, and definitely xmas shopping) but Noam is awesome and I was happy to do him the favor.  We shot on the U of T campus and luckily the weather held up for the most part and my hands only went ET on me once (I have bizarrely poor circulation...).  It was especially worth spending the day shooting just to hear some exciting news about FOOTSTEPS, there is interest from some major Film Festivals (AH!).  Stay tuned.

The day before the commercial shoot I had auditioned with my boyfriend for a short film called MEMORIES and we were both pretty keen on the sides.  The director didn't realize that we were a couple and we decided to leave it that way.  We found out yesterday that we booked the part!  Shooting will be over 3 days in early January.  So excited to work with my man and such a young and bright director.  

Murphy's law struck pretty hard when the shoot dates conflicted exactly with my sister's bridal shower/bachelorette which I am helping to plan and partially hosting.  Luckily, both of my sisters and the other bridesmaids are amazing and my initial meltdown was totally pre-mature as we have moved the entire weekend of celebrations to the following weekend.  

I've been slacking pretty heavily on the running this week.  Last week I ran 20K and this week I've only run 5K total.  No point in dwelling on it though - going to get back on that horse tomorrow morning before work and ride into the sunset.  And I'll be listening to this song to get me going (shout out to my sister Meg for introducing me to this awesome running tune)...

Good luck with the Christmas shopping!  Remember:  If you find yourself standing in the middle of THE GAP or some comparable store with arms full of generic t shirts in a cold sweat...put the clothing down, go to Starbucks and REGROUP!  I'm not speaking from experience here or anything...

Take care, enjoy the Christmas lights and music and treat yourself to something yummy or pretty, or both!

xoxo

Allie 

Auditions, Meetings, and some great new tunes...

I had the chance to meet with Canadian actor Riley Gilchrist (Degrassi the Next Generation, Being Erica) over a sushi lunch yesterday.  I haven't been great about networking with people in the city but am making a concerted effort to do so more, and it turned out that this was the highlight of my week!  First of all, I've recently become a die hard Being Erica fan so that in itself made me pretty hyper.  Also - he was an incredibly down to earth guy who had a lot of great advice on classes in the city and was very complementary of the training I got at The Neighborhood Playhouse in NYC.  The meeting left me feeling motivated and on track.  And that carried into my audition for CanStage today.

I literally imagined that my acting teacher from the Playhouse was with me (sounds crazy, but it works).  I did my two monologues and sang my song and aside from fumbling up one of the lines, I think it went ok! It was one of those auditions where you leave the building and the next 10-15 minutes are an absolute blur because you're on such an adrenaline rush.  Fingers crossed but either way it was an excellent opportunity and it's always good practice to do a monologue audition.

I headed to work and en route stopped at the Starbucks at King and Yonge and ordered my festive special a "decaf grande half sweet skinny peppermint mocha" - it's effing delicious try it when you can.  The Barista drew me a skinny chocolate man on the top and I almost spewed my rice krispy square all over the bar laughing.  Amazing.

If you can tear yourself away from the Christmas tunes - Check out the album "A Different Kind of Fix" by "Bombay Bicycle Club" on itunes.  This is my favorite tune of the moment but the entire album is awesome.  This tune is great if you need an addition to your workout/running playlist.  (Shout out to Christine Wheatley for recommending Bombay Bicycle Club to me!)

Enjoy the Christmas Lights :)

xoxo,

Allie

Weekly Goal Update:
Acting Career:  CanStage Audition done!  Cards sent out to industry, done.  Meeting with Reel editor tomorrow, try to get it finished and sent to casting directors before x-mas!!!
Running:  12.5 out of 15 K complete
For Fun: Christmas Treeeeeeee!

The "Santa Shuffle" - aka Rump Roast Part One

Something inexplicable has happened since my 25th Birthday.  I knew that at some point my metabolism would slow and my body would change a little, but nobody warned me that my once flat-as-a-pancake bum might transform into a full blown rump.  And so it has.  Interesting.

So I decided to run the 5K Santa Shuffle for the Salvation Army.  I was encouraged by my good friend and fellow blogger Krysten (Misadventures of a Darwinian Fail) to run with her.  

The weather was great, the spirit was incredible and Santa gave me a high five as I crossed the finish line of what was my very first race.  Aside from accidentally throwing my iphone into the middle of the stampeded half-way through the run, it seemed to be a success!  And I made my goal of completing the run in under 30 mins.  I also completed what is the first step of an even larger goal, to run my first half marathon in May.

I Auditioned for a condiminium commercial yesterday with more complex dialogue than I've had to memorize for a Shakespearean piece!  This should be illegal.  After stumbling over the company's name a few times, I finally spewed out "TAMPAX!" and after a small rumble of laughter I was excused from the room.  The funny thing is - I'm probably more likely to book that commercial than all the other ones where I left the room thinking the audition went really well!  Totally unpredictable.

CanStage General audition coming up this Thursday.  I've got my 16 bars of a song and 2 contrasting monologues picked out and ready to go.  Wish me luck!

xoxo,

Allie

*Note to self for goal setting - make small realistic goals for short term but remember to keep the big ones within sight!

Goals - This Week

Acting Career: Mail Holiday Cards to Toronto Industry (half-done), prep for CanStage Audition, Network with people in Toronto.

Fitness:  Run 15K (4.5/15 complete)

For Fun:  Get a Christmas Tree!!

Goals - Longer Term

Acting Career - Audition for The Stratford Festival, book a good commercial, Act for a Living

Fitness:  Run a Half Marathon (May!)

For Fun:  Get a Puppy